Conversations with God

True Surrender

by · 04/04/2024

Hey Dad,

“It is currently 3:32 pm on 4/4/24, and just a few minutes ago I was crying to You about how I don’t see a reflection of Your goodness in my life..yesterday evening I was looking for validation for all the things I have been doing, the praying, the fasting, the reading of Your word, I wanted You to validate the things I surrendered to You, I wanted You to reward me like I was doing You a service. I tried to convince myself and You that what I had been doing wasn’t a performance and that what I was requiring of You was justified, like You owed me something. Only now are You showing me that I have made it into a performance, that this relationship, our relationship, has only been to get something from You. I am so sorry that I have made it that way.

To be honest, that’s not what I intended, I was honestly pursuing You, seeking You, and trying to be a girl after Your own heart, it’s just that at the back of my mind, I knew that surrendering things to You always resulted in a full restoration of the very thing that I have surrendered. And now it’s becoming very clear that this expectation of a full restoration is what is causing me so much disappointment and heartache, and not really the expectation of a restoration, but the expectation of a specific type of restoration. And now I’m learning that there is a restoration, and that restoration looks like more of You and less of me, that the absence of that thing I have given up creates more room for You in my life.

True surrender is You giving up Your son for me, expecting nothing in return. You gave Him up even though there was a chance that I didn’t receive it, You still surrendered. And now for me, the definition of surrender is changing in my heart and mind where it isn’t about receiving something in return but it is releasing and letting go of something not to get something back but because I love the one I am releasing it to, expecting nothing in return. Wow! And what if this is what it means to fully trust You even without seeing Your hand over my life in the natural? Maybe this is true love?

It is not about what I am giving up, but who I am giving it up for, the one that I love.

This might be one of the most beautiful things You have lovingly taught me so far, and I thank You for it…I pray it teaches, corrects, and renews another one of Your children like it has me.”

🤎

Your daughter.

Reader, as you meditate on that and God uses it to transform your heart, I wanted to leave you with some resources:

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