Faith is spelled R-I-S-K.
Hey Dad,
“So here we are God, the first blog, eeeek! What a nerve-wracking thing this is, putting my business out there, but I take comfort in knowing that You promised to always be on my side according to Deuteronomy 31:6 where You ask us to be strong, courageous, and unafraid because You would never leave us nor forsake us.
First, let’s backtrack this story a little bit for the reader to get proper context… It’s been almost a year since I was let go from my previous job..for a while when I had the job, felt like things were so great then they suddenly weren’t. Income stopped coming in and I was back to square one…what to do? I obviously had an emotional breakdown or 10 wondering what came next, I struggled to find my footing. Then the questions from family started pouring in “What are you going to do now? Are you applying for jobs? What’s the progress?” God, I honestly don’t believe that I am the only one who gets overwhelmed with these questions regarding anything in life (right reader?). Anyway, I answered the questions as vaguely as possible while crying out loud in my heart (and in my bed) that I did not know what was next. But I knew what I was seeking could only be found in God’s presence(as is with everything in life).
I was constantly praying for a job that I’ll love, a job that truly feels like it’s my calling from You, a God-career. But You made it clear that I was not yet ready for that revelation because I had idolized my situation…I had shifted my focus off of You and onto my worries, I doubted Your goodness in my life. We needed to root that out, there is only room for one Lord over my life.
Jackie Hill-Perry said that we can know You while simultaneously doubting Your nature and that was true for me, I kept asking why weren’t You showing up for me when I wanted and how I wanted. That’s funny and silly of me to act like You should be working strictly within my timeline ha! Boy was I wrong! You renewed my mind and heart for days on end leading me to lessons such as this one: if God is God, then He is definitely worth waiting on (Jackie Hill-Perry said that too). But You made it so clear to me that if I was going to trust and submit to You, then I had to do it for real.
You were and are a safe space that allowed me to be transparent, leading me to not only bring all my desires to You but my worries too, as soon as they crept up (and we know those suckers like showing up a lot, actually, it’s really kind of annoying). You taught me how to worship before I worry, and let me tell You, it has made all the difference! I tended to have tiny moments of panic where I wondered “What if I never figure this out?” ” What if I don’t like the plan You have for me or I’m too scared to go where You are calling me to?” But I constantly had to remind myself to calm down and that You are a good good Father and Jeremiah 29:11 proves that when it says that You have the best plans for me.
( I hope that served as enough back story for you reader-friend) Fast forward to late last month when I was still waiting on You to give me the divine revelation of where You are calling me to, believing for something that will constantly draw me closer to You that I will thoroughly love. Then it happened, it was February 27th, and I was doing the dishes while watching a YouTube video on small businesses that women can start…and I felt the Holy Spirit impress on my heart to start a blog. And just as quickly as I received that revelation, so did my follow-up questions start pouring in “Is this You, God, or is it just me?” ” Why would You want me to start a blog?” “What would I even write about, we both know I’m not that interesting?”But You also encouraged me almost as instantly and every step of the way since that afternoon, for example, this email I received on that same day: https://jesus.net/miracle/i-wont-allow-my-fears-to-stand-in-my-way/. You have constantly shown me that I can trust in You and that You have a plan for my life. I am excited to see where this new plan leads us, even though I don’t know what’s ahead. As long as my hand is in Yours, I’m going all in, in over my head.”
Sincerely,
Your daughter.
*And for you, dear reader-friend, I’d love for you to come along with me on this journey! Let’s share our stories and encourage each other in our faith. If you’re feeling uncertain or struggling with doubt, know that you’re not alone. We all have our moments of weakness. But I believe that God is always with us, and He sees us, after all, He is El Roi (the God who sees us. Let me know in the comments or in an email what unknown/uncertain place You feel God is calling You and let us encourage each other in this amazing journey of Faith!
P.S, here is a link to one of my favorite songs:
Take care, and I hope You get to experience God in a new way every day this week.
